Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
