I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
