i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
