one might say we're banned from that church
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
