Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
