Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
