i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
