every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
