Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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