anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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