If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
