i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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