1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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