If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?