my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor