I cockslap morals
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...