I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...