My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.