Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.