Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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