I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
