remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
