Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
