hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
