Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
