I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
