Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
