No more Irish car bombs ever.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
