There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
