It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just pee around me
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
