it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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