did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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