Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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