Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
