Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
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Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
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I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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