sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
