what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
