I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
