Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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