I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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