I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Idk if I want to put a bra on
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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