I am puke
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
