Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
