did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
