I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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