I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
