Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
