Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
