Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
