You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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