somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
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I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
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He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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