From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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