If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
