1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
