I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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