i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
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I drank myself into bisexuality again.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
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How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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