If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
