this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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