I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
