I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
