So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My bed smells like the plague
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
