my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
