I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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