I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
