I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
