who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
