Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
